I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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