Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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