Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
