Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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