That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
