Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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