i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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