If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We have started to decorate penises.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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