Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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