Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
