I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
