Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You may now shotgun with the bride
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I deserve this hangover.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
