well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
