well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
