Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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