So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
be right there i have to get my cape
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
