Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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