she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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