Say something about gay babies.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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