so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
