I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
