we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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