i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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