Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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