on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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