Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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