My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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