she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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