FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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