She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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