I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
