Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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