so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
