This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
