Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
