Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
