Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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