Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
