The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize