he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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