got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
