he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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