Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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