On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
