Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
