So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
