just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
