Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
