she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
