she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
