i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
this is an emotional support booty call
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
