Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
