i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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