He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
