Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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