If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
