He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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