He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
