Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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