Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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