No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
