yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
