I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
