ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
