I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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