she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
