why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you never un-have a 4some
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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