Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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