I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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