hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
