I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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