I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
