im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nobody cheats on THIS.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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