I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dick very happy bro
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
