theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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