peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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