Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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